Will I ever be satisfied with my accomplishments?’
This is a question I asked my husband at dinner the other night. His answered ‘no’, and it hurt my soul.
I was overweight. I wasn’t happy, so I lost the weight. I was satisfied for a few days. Then I wanted muscles. So, I put in the work and I have muscles, but now I want bigger ones. I PR a 5k. I remain happy for about 35 seconds, and then I think about how much better I could do. I run a 10k, and that’s not enough, so I run a half marathon. Suddenly the word ‘half’ insinuates that I didn’t do the full thing, so naturally, I have to sign up for a full marathon.
I disrupted everyone’s life for 6 months to chase a goal of running a marathon, and that accomplishment only satisfied me for about 2 weeks, and then I wanted more. I wanted to be faster. I wanted to be stronger. I wanted to try again, because doing my absolute very best was still not enough for me. Once I reach one goal, I immediately start digging for the next one, and I never truly celebrate my wins.
I see this with you all in the gym, and I wonder how good of a role model I am for each of you. One of you will PR a lift or learn a new skill. You will be proud in the moment, but something happens during that walk to the board. Suddenly I hear phrases like ‘I only did 50 pounds’ or ‘I had to modify the workout’, and the self doubt and disappointment show up. This kills me, because I never want anyone to feel that way about themselves.
You guys are killing it. Many of you are doing things you have never done. Most of you are in the best shape of your life. All of you are seeing huge gains and improvements through our Personalized Group Coaching. Your clothes are looser, and your bodies are stronger. For once, you are consistent with something, and the benefits are easy to see, but it’s still not enough.
Maybe we all have a sick obsession, or maybe this gym has taught us that we are capable of anything we set our mind to, so we are unwilling to settle.
Whatever the case may be, I am working on being as proud of myself when I accomplish something as I am when one of you accomplishes something. In that moment when I am yelling and screaming and begging you to believe that you can do it, and then I get the joy of watching you succeed, and then celebrating that with you, I am working on feeling that same way when I accomplish something.
We are a community that thrives on each other’s successes, but do we enjoy and thrive on our own? Let’s all work on being proud, celebrating every win, loving ourselves, and just being grateful for what our bodies can do.
– Ashley
10-24-17
Strength:
HH Clean and Jerk
MetCon:
‘Helen’
400m Run
KB Swings x 21
Pull Ups x 12
3 rounds for time
